Co-Regulation in Early Childhood: Helping Young Children Learn to Manage Big Emotions

Joanna Colida
4 hours ago
4 min read

Young children experience big emotions every day — frustration, excitement, disappointment, and anger. Because their brains are still developing, they often need the support of caring adults to help them understand and manage these emotions.

One of the most important ways adults support emotional development in early childhood is through co-regulation.

What Is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation occurs when a calm, responsive adult helps a child move through strong emotions and return to a regulated state.

Young children are still developing the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation — the prefrontal cortex.

This area of the brain helps us:

manage emotions
control impulses
solve problems
calm ourselves when we feel upset

Because this part of the brain is still developing, young children cannot consistently regulate their emotions on their own. When they experience frustration, sadness, anger, or overwhelm, they rely on trusted adults to help guide them back to calm.

Over time, through repeated experiences of co-regulation, children gradually develop the ability to regulate their own emotions.

Why Emotional Regulation Is Difficult for Young Children

When children experience strong emotions, the brain’s stress response system becomes activated. The amygdala, a part of the brain responsible for detecting threats, triggers a “fight, flight, or freeze” response.

In these moments, a child’s brain is not ready for reasoning or discipline.

What the child needs first is connection and regulation. A calm adult presence helps the child’s nervous system settle. Once the child feels safe again, they can begin to understand what happened and learn from the experience.

How Co-Regulation Is Practiced in the Classroom

At ADE, educators support children during emotional moments by:

acknowledging the child’s feelings
offering calm presence and reassurance
helping the child identify their emotions
modeling calming strategies such as deep breathing
guiding the child back to play once they feel calm

Classrooms also include a Co-Regulation Space — a calm area where educators can sit with a child who needs support regulating their emotions.

This space is not a punishment area. Children are never sent there alone. Instead, it is used as a place for connection, support, and emotional learning.

How Parents Can Support Co-Regulation at Home:

Parents play a powerful role in helping children develop emotional regulation skills. The same strategies used in early childhood classrooms can also be practiced at home.

Here are some ways parents can support co-regulation with their children:

Stay Calm During Big Emotions: Children look to adults for cues about how to respond to challenging situations. When a parent stays calm, it helps the child’s nervous system settle as well. Even when emotions are high, a calm voice and steady presence can help a child feel safe.
Help Children Name Their Feelings: Many young children feel emotions but do not yet have the words to describe them. Parents can help by saying things like:
“I see that you're feeling frustrated.”“That was disappointing.”“You seem upset right now.” Naming emotions helps children begin to understand what they are feeling.
Offer Connection Before Correction: When a child is overwhelmed, they are not ready for discipline or explanations. First help the child regulate emotionally, then talk about what happened once they are calm. Connection creates the conditions for learning.
Model Healthy Emotional Regulation: Children learn emotional regulation by watching adults. Parents can model strategies such as:
- taking deep breaths
- pausing before reacting
- talking about feelings
- showing calm problem solving
Children gradually adopt these behaviours themselves.
Create a Calm Space at Home: Many families find it helpful to create a small calm space at home where children can go with a parent when they need help calming down. The goal is not isolation, but a supportive place to regulate emotions together. This space might include:
- a comfortable pillow or chair
- a favorite stuffed animal
- a few books about emotions
- quiet calming activities

The Long-Term Benefits of Co-Regulation

Research in child development shows that consistent co-regulation helps children develop:

emotional awareness
impulse control
resilience
empathy
problem-solving skills

Over time, children internalize these strategies and develop the ability to regulate their emotions independently.

These skills support success in school, relationships, and lifelong well-being.

Supporting the Whole Child

At ADE, we believe that emotional development is the foundation for learning.

By supporting children through co-regulation, educators and parents work together to help children feel safe, understood, and capable of navigating their emotions. Through calm guidance, connection, and supportive relationships, children develop the skills they need to thrive.